As Indian markets nervously await Powell’s next “we’re not cutting yet” speech, the big dogs of Wall Street are busy showing off their Q1 2025 report cards — and spoiler alert: the nerds (Big Tech) are still topping the class, the fast-food chains are eating up inflation, and the banks? Well… they’re charging you for breathing.
Here’s your no-nonsense, sarcasm-laced summary of U.S. corporate earnings so far:
1. Apple (AAPL) – iRevenue Shrunk, But Not Dead Yet
- Revenue: $90.75 billion (↓ 4% YoY)
- Net Income: $23.6 billion (↓ 2%)
- India Mentioned: 15 times on earnings call — we’re the new China, baby!
- Bonus: $110 billion buyback because Tim Cook knows how to keep investors sedated.
📱Translation: iPhones may be boring now, but Apple prints cash like RBI printing ₹2000 notes in 2016.
2. Microsoft (MSFT) – AI = Always Increasing
- Revenue: $61.9 billion (↑ 17%)
- Net Income: $21.9 billion (↑ 20%)
- Azure Growth: 31% — because every CEO wants to say “we’re in the cloud now”
🧠 AI mention counter: 38 times. They even made Excel sound cool again.
3. Alphabet (GOOGL) – Search is Eternal, Ads Pay the Rent
- Revenue: $80.5 billion (↑ 15%)
- YouTube Ads: ↑ 21% –
